How to Make Small Talk
You're on the bleachers at your kid's soccer game. You've done the smile, the hello, the "How's your kid liking the season?" And now you're sitting in that familiar silence where you'd like to say something more but don't know how to get there. You’re stuck treading water in the shallow end of a placid conversation that never actually developed into anything real.
We have surface-level scripts for almost every situation: the weather, the kids, how busy we are. But crossing from pleasantries into actual connection? That's where people freeze. They want to connect but find it awkward when there's no obvious bridge from "here" to "there."
I have one that works almost every time.
The Question
"Do you have any recommendations for good books, podcasts, or TV shows? I'm looking for something new."
That's it. It sounds simple because it is. But it does something that most small talk doesn't: it invites the other person to share something about themselves that has nothing to do with the role you usually see them in. The "mom at soccer” and the "colleague in the break room." get to be a person with taste and opinions and a life outside of this moment.
When TIME magazine featured this tip in a piece on conversation starters, they noted its versatility and how it works in almost any context. That tracks with what I've seen. I've used it at school events, professional mixers, awkward dinner parties, and in the waiting room at my kids' dentist. It lands every time.
Why It Works
When you ask someone what they're watching or reading, several things happen at once.
You give them the floor without putting them on the spot. Nobody feels interrogated by a media recommendation. It's low-pressure, low-stakes, and almost everyone has an answer.
You learn something authentic about them. What someone watches, reads, or listens to tells you about their inner world. Are they into true crime? Sci-fi? A parenting podcast that made them cry last week? That's information you'd never get from "How's work going?"
You create common ground fast. If they mention a show you've seen, you're suddenly in a real conversation bonding over something shared. If they mention something you haven't heard of, you're genuinely curious and they get to introduce you to something you might not have found otherwise. Either way, the energy shifts from polite to personal.
And (here's the best part imo)… if they don't have a recommendation, that's useful too. It usually means they're stretched thin, haven't had time for themselves in a while, or are in a season where everything goes to everyone else. That's an opening for empathy, or a lifeline. You can say "Same, honestly" and suddenly you're bonding over the shared experience of being too busy to enjoy anything.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Adult friendship is hard. That's just a fact (that research backs up). After college, after kids, after the built-in social structures of early adulthood fall away, most people find it genuinely difficult to make new friends. Because there are fewer natural contexts for the kind of repeated, low-stakes interaction that friendship requires.
The bleachers at soccer practice are actually one of those contexts. So is the office kitchen, the school fundraiser, the neighborhood block party. The opportunity is there. What's missing is the bridge from small talk to something that actually sticks.
This question is that bridge. It's small enough to feel safe and specific enough to feel real.
Try It This Week
Pick one conversation that would normally stop at "How are you?" and ask this question instead. See what happens. You might get a great podcast recommendation. You might find out the person you've been nodding at for two years has surprisingly good taste in horror novels. You might end up making an actual friend.
At minimum, you'll have a conversation worth remembering. And that's more than most small talk gives you.
Want to read more like this? Check out my blog for more on relationships, identity, parenthood, and the stuff nobody tells you in advance.
