A lot of people think boundaries are what you say to other people. But in many ways it’s actually what you believe about yourself. Because it’s really hard to hold a boundary if you’re not sure you’re allowed to or deserve to have one in the first place.

New parents hear this advice all the time: “You just need to make time for each other. Go on more dates!”

But for most couples in the early parenting years, that’s about as helpful as saying “just sleep more.”

It’s not that dates are bad advice. Date night’s are great. But they aren’t the be all end all of staying connected with your partner. Plus, in many situations, that advice can be impractical, oversimplified, or offered without any understanding of what’s actually going on beneath the surface.

We’re told sex is supposed to peak in our twenties… That it should be wild, spontaneous, full of chemistry, and effortless. That passion fades, desire dwindles, and real intimacy just can’t survive the demands of aging, stress, or long-term relationships. But that’s not true for a lot of people. And it’s not what I hear in my office.

It’s not romantic or exciting. But if you want to protect your relationship - protect your sleep.

When you're exhausted, everything feels harder. You’re quicker to snap… slower to understand… less able to stay patient or generous. And so is your partner.